Sunday, 13 September 2009

Spring break shark attack

It's been a while since I treated you to a shark movie review, so I thought I'd do a write up of 'Spring Break Shark Attack' or 'Dangerous Waters Shark Attack' as it's being called in it's UK re-release. Oh, and even though it's on DVD, it's still very clearly a t.v. movie. It even has space for ad breaks.

As ever, TOTAL SPOILER ALERT!

Remember Dawson's Creek? Now imagine it with sharks. Now imagine that those sharks don't do much and don't attack the most annoying main characters.

This movie stars Shannon Lucio (you know her right? She played Lindsay Gardner in the O.C.)and a bunch of other people who look like they could've been in the O.C. (except for the guy playing her nerd brother who looks nothing like her and doesn't even have the same accent). And Bryan Brown turns up occasionally to be evil and lament his ailing career.

So some idiot girl goes to Florida (against her Dad's wishes)to spend spring break with her idiot friends. Her nerd brother is also in Florida studying stuff to do with the sea. He thinks that tiger sharks might live in the sea, but can't prove it.
The idiot girls meet up with some idiot guys, and the main girl (played by Shannon Lucio, remember her? Season 2 of the O.C.), falls quickly in to some love triangle with a local boy that likes to build engines and a sleazy idiot boy who spikes her soda with some date rape drug (which he carries about with him in a beach towel for some reason?) There's a minor sub plot about her Dad being evil because he cheated on his girlfriend, her brother is making some kind of shark repellent device, and Bryan Brown is chumming for sharks because the new reef is stealing all his business.
I don't know how a reef can put an actor out of work, but watching this movie I'm beginning to see how that could happen.
All these plot points take a back seat to the dull teen drama, and not nearly enough people get attacked. Until the very end when it all kicks off. A whole gaggle of tiger shark descend on spring break, hoping for free beer but settling for scantily clad teens. Evil date rape boy gets his comeuppance by being eaten, and (randomly) engine boy gets a harpoon in the shoulder. But rather than seek medical attention he is content for a romantic stroll on the pier. Nerd brother's repellent saves the day, dispersing the dangerous man eating sharks, probably forcing them in to other busy recreational areas nearby.

Final verdict: Not enough sharks. No imaginative deaths. Dull teen nonsense.

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